Elon Musk, Richard Branson, and Jeff Bezos have all made headlines for their drive to conquer outer space. Their markets are different, but they share a common approach: to enter space on their terms, according to their strengths and desires. As they go along, they are creating the next chapter in the space story.
This article is about being intentional about how you enter and exit the spaces of your life. These spaces can be anything from situations to relationships to tasks to experiences to career to obstacles. Every space has it’s own story. Your job is to understand the story of each space into which you enter.
There are four principles for entering the spaces of your life: (1) Identify the story in the space; (2) Set the success parameters; (3) Take out the garbage; and (4) Have an exit strategy.
Identifying the Story in the Space
Before you enter any space, you need to clearly discern the story there. Here are some questions to ask to help you get clarity:
- Is it a completely new space? Do you get design the story in the space? What story already exists there? What strengths are present? What’s going well in the story?
- What is the collective mindset of the space? What are the goals and vision already present? What is the why of the space? What’s the direction of the space?
- How are strengths and talents being leveraged? What are the obstacles in the space? How are obstacles embraced and overcome?
- Who are the people and relationships in the space? Are the relationships and people supportive of each other? What’s the backdrop? Are there processes in place? Does this space come with routines and habits?
What biases exist in the space? What are the rules and norms of the space? Is the space toxic? Is the space safe? What are the next steps in this space?
All of these questions will help you to precisely tell the story of the space. Your ability to accurately retell the space’s story will ultimately determine your success in that space.
Set the Success Parameters
Once you have identified the story in the space, you will want to ask yourself if this is even a story you want to enter. Some spaces and their accompanying stories are so draining and toxic that entering them, as they now exist, will completely deplete you. Don’t be tempted to enter these spaces.
Instead, work to create a new, separate, and safe place for a new story. A space where you set the rules. Once you’ve decided that you will enter a space, there is one more step before you finally go in: you must set the success parameters. Here are 7 questions to get you started:
- Why are you entering this space? What’s important about being a part of this story?
- What is your vision and direction for the space? People align with vision. People’s ability to align with your vision, will give you a big clue as to whether or not you will be able to work effectively in this space.
- What does interdependence look like in this story? People need to know how they need to be with you. There needs to be room for your strengths to show up AND for their strengths to show up.
- What strengths and talents do you bring to the story? You need to bring you. Let your strengths and talents take center stage. Be confidently vulnerable. Be OK with who you are and who you’re not. Both are OK. Really.
- What will you contribute? You bring things that nobody else brings. So bring them. If you don’t bring them, you will end up hating the space, because you will have left yourself out of it.
- What do you need? All strengths have needs. Be sure that your strengths needs are met in the space. If they’re not met, you will become toxic. You will begin to blame, criticize, stonewall, and show contempt. The way to safeguard against this is to ensure that your needs are met. Make this clear beforehand.
- How will you know you’re successful? Ultimately, you want the story to be successful. But what does success mean? How will the other characters in the story know when they’ve met the space’s purpose?
These success parameters must be established before you enter any space and story. Don’t get sucked into black hole stories that have no purpose, no direction, no vision, and no strength. Where the light is dim you will wander aimlessly, feeling your way toward that elusive victory which can only be claimed by those who see clearly.
Take Out the Garbage
A caution… Be very vigilant not to throw garbage into these spaces ahead of your entry. Unfortunately, a lot of spaces become uninhabitable and unworkable because of all of the garbage that people unintentionally, intentionally, or casually toss in.
What kind of garbage gets thrown in? Insecurities, judgment, preconceived notions, and fears. Create a separate space for garbage. This is not about hiding from problems. Instead, you’re trying to keep negativity and patterns of sabotage out of the space and story you are creating intentionally.
When you notice that you’re placing destructive items into the space, then you need to willfully pull them out and heave them into the garbage Space.
Having a separate space for garbage allows you to go back to it when you feel ready and safe. Fix the garbage on your terms, not on its terms. When you have to enter the garbage space, remember that the rules for entering any space apply here too. Remember, garbage ALWAYS has it’s own story. Don’t align yourself with these stores.
Have an Exit Strategy
You need to know when your time in the space is complete. You need to design the parameters of what completion looks like to you. Is it when the project is complete? Is it once the project has momentum?
Another time to exit is when you find that you can no longer fully contribute because either your contributions are not appreciated or your needs are not being met. Sometimes you can step out of a space for a break and re-enter, but you need to go through the steps of entering again. If it’s time to get out, get out. Don’t wait.
Dr. Marshall Goldsmith says:
“I plan an exit strategy before I say yes…I adjust so that I can continue to accept new opportunities without feeling obligated to stay in the past.”
Did you catch that? If you don’t have an exit strategy, you will be limiting your future opportunities because you will be living in the past. That’s powerful. Make sure you have an exit strategy.
Don’t Be a Floating Astronaut
Every space and story is different. If you don’t invest in getting the story right, you will end up with a story that is determined by others. Just like an untethered astronaut floating in space, you will drift about, unable to decide your own direction or fate.
Make every space strong by making the story strong. Live a strong story. The world needs it.